Is this a good Memoir?

(My teacher is making us rite a 15 paragraph essay and i want to no if its ok..please tell me if i need to change something)

















My Experiences before and after the dance





"Before the dance"


Before the dance on Friday, May 2, 2008 I went to Morgan Buck's house. Her house was pretty warm. I walked into her room which was clean... unlike mine. I put my stuff over by her full bookcase. I got out everything out of my cluttered pink bag.


We started getting ready right away. I was going to curl Morgan's hair. I plugged in the big and small curlers. While they were getting hot I was going to scrunch my hair. That was going to be a challenge because my hair doesn't scrunch very well.


I went to their bathroom. I got my hair soaking wet in the silver and white sink. I took my purple bottle filled with mousse. I squirted it out into my hand and put it all over my light brown hair. The back of my hair wouldn't curl that was no surprise to me. So Morgan took my orange can of hairspray and sprayed my hair until it got really stiff. Finally it curled after that.


Next I got to the hot curlers. While my hair dried I put the curlers in Morgans hair. I had to layer her hair because it was so thick. I first took out the purple thin curlers and scattered them throughout her hair. Then I used the big green curlers to curl the rest of her hair, and then i hair sprayed them with Herbal Essences hairspray.


I decided what I was going to wear. That was a navy blue American Eagle shirt with "American Eagle" written all over it. I had a skirt that was made out of dark blue denim. My flip-flops were dark brown, they were gold down towards the heel with a engraved Hawaiian flower on them. Lastly my earrings were shaped like hearts made of shinny stone almost like shell, and they dangled.


Morgan had also decided what she was going to wear. That was an orange shirt with white flowers all over it. The collar had the same color orange but instead of flowers they were polka-dots. She was wearing denim capris. They came right under her knees. Her flip-flops were all different color stripes running vertically down her shoe.


When we were done getting ready we were going to go to Morgan's grandma's house. When we pulled into her grandma's apartment there was a basketball hoop on her fresh blacktop. The apartment was made of brick. We stepped inside her place and there wasn't a lot of room but it was a nice little home. We stood on the left side of her living room to take the pictures.





"At the dance"


At last finally we were at the dance! It was a Hawaiian theme so I had a blue Hawaiian flower in my hair to match my outfit and the theme of the dance. The gym looked really nice. The student council did a good job. There were palm trees and flowers everywhere! They played cool music, and overall it was an awesome dance.


Right after the dance Tarah Fledderjohn and I went outside to get in Michelle's (Morgan Buck's mom) van while Morgan B., Morgan G., and Brooke A. went to go to the restroom. Tarah got a really pretty pink flower. So we started taking the pedals off. Then we took the pedals and dropped them on Michelle's head. She thought she got them off but they really went into her hood in her long sleeve red jacket. It was simply hilarious!





"Pizza Hut"


When we got to Pizza Hut we sat at the back left corner. The seats were red while the tables were light brown wood. I sat on the end next to Tarah then next was Morgan G. then Morgan B. Across from us was Michelle and Brooke. Brooke wanted to sit next to Michelle because she likes to bug her a lot. (It's funny when she does)


We took all kinds of pictures! We all wanted a group picture of us because we are best friends. Since Brooke was across from us she had to come over by us to get in the picture. She jumped across us instead of standing by us. So in the picture we have the craziest looks on our faces, and we were cracking up laughing.


Next Tarah and I got some pictures together. The first one was of us giving a thumbs up. The camera was on the table so our heads got cut off a little bit. Tarah was in her light blue and white striped Hollister shirt. I was kind of blurry in that picture. Tarah wasn't though, but It still was a great picture!


We were finished eating our delicious personal pan cheese pizzas. Tarah and i hurried and ran outside and hid behind the white van with the white volleyball on the back. We were going to scare the rest of the group. Unfortunately it didn't work. Morgan B. gave it away. That was okay because at least we tried.


"The car ride home"


The car ride home was very...different. Morgan G. sat in the front seat. Tarah and I sat in the two middle seats, and Morgan B. and Brooke sat in the two back seats. First we called our friends and were chatting for awhile. Then Brooke wanted to bug Michelle again so she went in the middle and she about squished me. We all started laughing! So I moved to the back and let Brooke sit there and Tarah moved with me so Morgan B. moved up with Brooke. When Brooke was bugging Michelle the car in front of us stopped for no reason so we stopped really fast. I actually didn't feel it because I was in the back, and I was texting.


Usually I get dropped off first but this time Tarah got dropped off first. She lives in town. Next we dropped off Brooke. She lived in the country. Her house was two stories, but it was hard to see because it was dark. Then we dropped off Morgan G. She lived in a really big house, and it's very nice! Lastly I went back to Morgan Buck's house because we were going to Kings Island the next morning.

Is this a good Memoir?
well its an alright memoir, but u could try to make the sentences more flowing. you make them too short and choppy. example:


Her house was pretty warm. I walked into her room which was clean... unlike mine. I put my stuff over by her full bookcase. I got out everything out of my cluttered pink bag.


We started getting ready right away. I was going to curl Morgan's hair.





new version: I noticed her house was neat and clean, which felt unnatural, compared to my unorganized house. I placed my stuff over by her bookcase, pulling out everything from my cluttered pink bag. We were eager to get ready right away, so I began to curl her hair.





and also take out the unrelated parts, like sometimes u go way off topic and make it confusing, ur teacher probably dont know ur friends by heart so only put some important parts. hope i helped and hope u ace that and get a 100%

DOG